Day 326

So, Dan called me this morning freaking out because tomorrow was March. We have a little over a month until the due date! Ahhh!!! After waiting for so very long it seems so strange to finally be at this point.

I was reading through a couple of my adoption blogs this morning and came across an article about open adoption. This is such a great article that really tries to explain the mystery behind open adoption...something that not everyone understands. So, take a peek:

What Do You Think About Open Adoption?
Posted on 18 February 2011 by Kari Gibson

I live in a house full of boys (even the dog!), but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Our oldest son is 4½ and our newest addition is not quite 3 months of age. We were present in the delivery rooms of both of our sons, and brought them each home from the hospital. Each adoption was completely different, though in both we have open relationships with the boys’ birth families.
We chose to have to pursue open adoption for a variety of reasons. When we started thinking about adoption we had no idea what open adoption was and assumed all kinds of things – the birth parents would still have some kind of parenting role in the baby’s life; the baby would be confused about who his/her “real” parents were; seeing the baby would make the birth parents want to take him/her back; etc… You see, we were thinking of our children as OURS, hubby’s and mine, like possessions. But they’re not. Way before they were part of our family, they were part of other families who loved (still do love) them. And, in my opinion, by having no further contact with those other families, we’re trying to pretend that they didn’t exist, or at least like they don’t matter. But those other families are the only reason these phenomenal kids exist. Also, they know parts of the boys’ stories that I don’t know, parts that I think they have a right to know.
What we learned in our adoption classes is that continued contact (in some form) is actually beneficial in the child’s development, and in helping the birth family heal. Kids do have questions as they get older – who do I look like, do other people in my family have certain characteristics or talents, does anyone else in my family have a history of asthma, and biggest of all, why did they choose to make an adoption plan? These are all huge questions that I can’t answer for my boys. And while we certainly realize that so many kids who are adopted won’t be able to get these questions answered, we have the opportunity and shouldn’t we use it??!
As far as our children being confused about who their parents are, it’s simply not an issue. I’m the one who nursed them (yes, I breastfed/am breastfeeding both of our sons). We changed all of their diapers. We go camping with them. Hubby watches Dinosaur Train with them. We color together. I’m the one they call for when in the middle of the night, or when they’re sick. They came out of L’s and R’s bellies. I am Momma. Hubby is Poppa. There is no confusion.
In regards open adoption being beneficial to birth parents, think how it would feel to put your baby in someone else’s arms, walk away, and never know anything else about him/her. To look at the faces of kids as you walk down the sidewalk, and wonder “is that her?”. To think, “I wonder what they’ve told him about me?”. To want to know what your kid looks like. Some people have said to me that birth parents loose the right to those answers when they “give up their babies”.
That’s an important distinction – birth parents (in the vast majority of cases) don’t “give up their babies”, they make a plan for them. They choose whether they’re ready/in the position to parent their children, or whether it would be in their/the baby’s best interest for someone else to do it. And this is another benefit of an open adoption – the birth family chooses the family who will adopt their child. This is an active choice; it’s not simply giving up. This decision is being a parent, in a different way. It’s a heart-wrenching, difficult decision not made lightly. And, I think, if I can do anything to make it easier for them (like the simple act of visiting every once in awhile, calling, sending pictures, etc…), then I should. Because as a human being, it is my job to do what I can to ease others’ suffering. If I can’t feel some empathy and love towards the people who gave my children life, then I am a poor excuse of a human being. It’s about them knowing that their children are ok, are loved. They have a right to that.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely do NOT believe in open adoption out of some sense of guilt (and nor do I believe it is the only way adoption should be done – as a social worker, I know there are situations where it isn’t the right thing for anyone involved). I don’t feel guilty that I’m raising these amazing children and they aren’t. Both boys’ birth families made an informed decision about what they thought was best. I AM absolutely and completely grateful for them. And I love them for the spectacular gift they’ve given us. I want to help and support them in whatever way I can.
We have different relationships with each of the boys’ birth families. With my older son, we saw his birth family regularly throughout his first 2-3 years, and they then disappeared. I grieve the loss of that relationship though we are hopeful they will resurface in the future. With our youngest son, he is so young, and the relationship is so new, that I have no idea what will become of it. As of right now, we see his birth mother almost weekly. It is by no means easy, watching her grieve the loss of her child. My hope is that by seeing him so surrounded by our love, and by us all navigating a new kind of relationship with her, it will ease her suffering and allow her to be in all of our lives. There is also a feeling whenever she looks at him of someone else claiming my child, which is difficult for me to sit with. I remind myself that he is also her child, and she does have some claim to him. I am still Momma.
Open adoption is a gift. It is a gift to our sons, to know where they came from. It is a gift to the birth families, to know who their sons are becoming. In many ways, the biggest gift is for us, as parents. It is hard some days, but we know, in the long run, it is better for us all.

I loved this article and agree with everything in it (except for the part about her breastfeeding...that's just weird. I have heard about other adoptive parents teach their bodies to do that but I just can NOT see that ever happening here).

Anyway, hope that was informative for you. I'm off to take stock of the nursery and see how many more diapers we are going to have to purchase (is anyone else shocked by how expensive diapers and formula are!?!?!?!).

Please continue to keep us, our birthparents, and baby girl in your prayers.

Oh, and no one has guessed baby girl's name yet. Keep trying! :)

Day 322

Have I mentioned how blessed Dan and I are?

So many amazing things have happened during the course of this adoption. From having the perfect birthparents find us, to picking out the perfect name for baby girl, to being informed this week that I will be getting a paid maternity leave! I'm not saying that this road has been easy....it hasn't. But in the end we will have a beautiful baby girl who will have more than just one set of people who would lay down their life for her.

Like I said earlier, we did pick the perfect name for baby girl this weekend. I thought it might be difficult to have four people on the same page...but it really wasn't. There was pretty much just one name that stuck out to all four of us. It is perfect and I love the fact that we all worked on it together. Now, I could say what her name will be...but I think I am going to try to wait as long as possible before I announce it. I've made it 4 days so far.

10 points to the person who guesses her name though!

Your clues:
1. It is a unique but not weird name
2. No one I know personally has this name
3. It does not start with a 'P' or a 'K'

Good luck!

Day 313

Hey Everyone!



The ultrasound was amazing! I forgot Kleenex! What was I thinking? It was amazing to see the baby moving and kicking! Man, that girl can kick! She did not like being poked! :)


And yes, I did just say "she."




Its a girl!!!!


Please go easy on the pink people! :)

Day 308

This has been a very good week. Yesterday, I got a text from our birth father asking if we would like to go to the ultrasound! YES!!! How awesome is that? I cannot tell you how excited I am that I won't miss this. So, on Tuesday both Dan and myself are going to the ultrasound appointment with our awesome birth parents. We are hoping that baby will be in a position where we can find out what "it" is.

In other news, I have decided that in order to prepare for baby I am going to need do some push-ups or something. I have held two babies today for a total of maybe 30 minutes and my arms are super-sore! How ridiculous is that? Seriously? My arms are sore from holding and 8lb babies?!? Come on!

Hi, this is guest blogger Dan. I am no good at blogging. I never really know what to talk about and I have a tendency to just ramble. I made brownies yesterday, that really isn't the sort of thing that goes in a blog though. I have mainly been working on the house. During snowmagedon I couldn't get out of our subdivision because the plows never came through. Since I could not make it into work I decided to work on the house. I spent the whole day up in the attic installing baffles in each of the roof rafters to help with air circulation. It was pretty rough. I had to crawl around in insulation for hours and wedge myself into tight spaces with insulation surrounding me. It was a clausterphobics nightmare. I am trying to get all of these little projects out of the way before baby comes. I figure once there is a baby around there will not be as much time to do these sort of things. Here is my list:


Fix the gutters


Put in a new front porch.


Rewire and insulate the basement


Finish the nursery


Obviously the nursery is the most important. I think it is coming along quite nicely at the moment though.

This picture is right after I finished painting the stripe on the wall. The colors in the picture don't look right, but this is the general idea. It looks cuter now though. Trisha moved the crib and put some furniture in there. I think it looks nice. Ooop, Diet Coke break.

Oh, sad times. My Diet Coke is partially frozen. We keep the box of cans in the garage and since it is negative ridiculous degrees out, which I believe equates to about absolute zero, I now have a Diet Coke slushy.

We still have to stencil in the animals on the stripe since we are going for an African safari theme. Then I have to install a closet organizer and put in doors for the closet. I took the old ones out because they were old, ugly and hard to use. Well that is it for today.

Day 302

It was a short week this week. I was thankful for a day off on Wednesday...although my arm and back muscles were not thankful for the snow (and I didn't even do the majority of the shoveling. Seriously, we NEED to invest in a snow blower!). We had to shovel ourselves out of our driveway yesterday because they had only plowed one side of the street. There is still a 3-foot snow drift that needs to be plowed, so pretty much everyone on our street has not been able to get their mail all week. Boo!!!

Tonight Dan and I are going out to pick up some material for his mom to make curtains for the nursery. I'm pretty sure Dan is very excited about this. What man wouldn't be excited about spending the evening in a fabric store picking out material for window treatments?!

Also, you will be happy to know that tomorrow you will be hearing from a "guest blogger." Yes, Dan will be writing since he 'complained' that I am the only one who writes the blog. This might be the last time he complains about that! Muhahahaha!

Day 300

So...I figured I would put you out of your misery (Jessica...I'm talking about you!) and tell you about our meeting with our birth parents on Monday night.

We met at Grand Traverse Pie Company and we went in a LOT less nervous than our last meeting....it really helped that there weren't two social workers staring at us. Everyone seemed more comfortable with each other, making it much easier to talk. Plus, we had delicious pie to eat so you can't go wrong there! We also were able to meet our birthmother's mom. She was very nice and asked us if we were getting nervous about having a baby. I haven't even thought about being nervous...I'm way too excited to be nervous right now! Wait until mid-March though....I'll be soliciting the nurses in our family for tons of baby information (prepare yourselves Melissa and Kristen!!!).

I am no longer afraid about open adoption. It really helps that we have the most awesome birthparents ever. They are both smart, cute, and "normal." We don't have to worry about weird situations or legal battles. Dan and I are completely comfortable with them. Looking back, I now know why we were "rejected" 8 times...because God had this couple and this baby waiting for us. Our birthfather actually said to us, "We feel like this baby was meant to be yours." Everything about this situation just feels right and our love and respect for our birthparents just keeps growing.

Our birthmother will be sending us the ultrasound pictures. I am so excited!!! She will also be trying to schedule another ultrasound so that we can all find out if we are having a boy or girl. I am really looking forward to buying the cutest baby clothes. It has been so hard trying to hold myself back (I haven't completely though. I did find the cutest "bring home baby" outfit...but that may change if we can find out what we are having).

I felt like I could have talked to them for so much longer, but we didn't want to keep them out too late. We will be meeting with them again on February 15. I feel so blessed by this couple, so blessed that this baby is going to have SOOOO many people who love him (or her).

Today we are snowed in because of the blizzard (Dan is going to attempt to run....literally...to Ace Hardware to get some stuff to work on the house...because he is crazy). He did try to bribe me with pancakes this morning....which didn't matter, he still is crazy to go out in this.

Please keep praying for our birth parents. They are amazing and are giving us the best gift ever...but that doesn't mean that it will be easy for them.