I got back to church today and received an anonymous donation for our adoption fund. Poor Jan had to deal with my tears..
So, whomever it is who dropped that donation off, THANK YOU!!!! Thank you for being part of another adoption, for helping to bring my child home. The fact that you thought of Dan and I has touched our hearts more than anything.
THANK YOU!
...time to go find more Kleenex!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Domestic Adoption
This post is for those of you who are curious what 'domestic adoption' will mean for Dan and I.
What is domestic infant adoption?
Infant adoption is the adoption of a newborn or very young child (Dan and I will be adopting a newborn) whose birthparent has made the difficult decision that she is unable to parent at that point. These parents love and wish that they could parent their children but feel that adoptive placement is the best decision for their children. The parents relinquish their rights voluntarily. The majority of birthparents select and meet the prospective adoptive parents and want some level of openness in their adoption, which refers to a level of contact after the placement.
How long will we wait for a child?
This varies depending on when we are chosen by a birthmother, however, since Dan and I are younger and live in a nice neighborhood, chances are we will be chosen sooner rather than later.
What about ongoing contact with the birthparents?
Almost all domestic adoptions have some level of openness or contact between the adoptive and birthfamilies. The degree of openness is determined before placement. (Now, initially this scared me. In fact, going into this adoption process, most of you know I wanted to do international all the way. I shut my mind to domestic adoption...but God had other plans. At the end of the day it is just one more person who loves the child as much as you do. I am nervous about this aspect as it is the one thing that initially kept me from domestic adoption, but I have a feeling God knows what He is doing.)
So...this is the road that Dan and I are traveling. Like I said in my previous posting, I know risks are involved...but in the end a child will have a home, and parents will have a child. How cool is that?!?
What is domestic infant adoption?
Infant adoption is the adoption of a newborn or very young child (Dan and I will be adopting a newborn) whose birthparent has made the difficult decision that she is unable to parent at that point. These parents love and wish that they could parent their children but feel that adoptive placement is the best decision for their children. The parents relinquish their rights voluntarily. The majority of birthparents select and meet the prospective adoptive parents and want some level of openness in their adoption, which refers to a level of contact after the placement.
How long will we wait for a child?
This varies depending on when we are chosen by a birthmother, however, since Dan and I are younger and live in a nice neighborhood, chances are we will be chosen sooner rather than later.
What about ongoing contact with the birthparents?
Almost all domestic adoptions have some level of openness or contact between the adoptive and birthfamilies. The degree of openness is determined before placement. (Now, initially this scared me. In fact, going into this adoption process, most of you know I wanted to do international all the way. I shut my mind to domestic adoption...but God had other plans. At the end of the day it is just one more person who loves the child as much as you do. I am nervous about this aspect as it is the one thing that initially kept me from domestic adoption, but I have a feeling God knows what He is doing.)
So...this is the road that Dan and I are traveling. Like I said in my previous posting, I know risks are involved...but in the end a child will have a home, and parents will have a child. How cool is that?!?
Monday, May 24, 2010
Risk
If you are going to really live your life, you are going to have to expect to take some risks. There are inherent risks involved in nearly every decision a person makes.
If you drive a car - there are risks
If you become pregnant - there are risks
If you buy a home - there are risks
In our case:
If you adopt internationally - there are risks
If you adopt domestically - there are risks
Nothing about this adoption process is easy. I never imagined that it would be so hard to get pregnant (and yes, I know that some people think that we are jumping the gun with this adoption because they think 16 months of trying isn't waiting long enough...I say, take it up with God because this is what He has called us to). God has a plan for our lives and it includes adoption. :)
Last week I said that Dan and I are considering domestic adoption. After numerous calls to Bethany and a lot of research and prayer, Dan and I have switched to domestic adoption. Will we one day adopt internationally? Yes. But the timing just isn't right. Once a person's eyes are opened to the orphan crisis, it is impossible to close them. I will always be an advocate of adoption (both international and domestic) because there are children out there who are in desperate need of homes.
Later this week I will talk about what domestic adoption entails, the difference in wait and cost, etc. Thank you for your prayers!
In the meantime, if you have the time and would like to read the amazing journey of another domestic adoption, check out Rebekah's site. It will touch your heart!
If you drive a car - there are risks
If you become pregnant - there are risks
If you buy a home - there are risks
In our case:
If you adopt internationally - there are risks
If you adopt domestically - there are risks
Nothing about this adoption process is easy. I never imagined that it would be so hard to get pregnant (and yes, I know that some people think that we are jumping the gun with this adoption because they think 16 months of trying isn't waiting long enough...I say, take it up with God because this is what He has called us to). God has a plan for our lives and it includes adoption. :)
Last week I said that Dan and I are considering domestic adoption. After numerous calls to Bethany and a lot of research and prayer, Dan and I have switched to domestic adoption. Will we one day adopt internationally? Yes. But the timing just isn't right. Once a person's eyes are opened to the orphan crisis, it is impossible to close them. I will always be an advocate of adoption (both international and domestic) because there are children out there who are in desperate need of homes.
Later this week I will talk about what domestic adoption entails, the difference in wait and cost, etc. Thank you for your prayers!
In the meantime, if you have the time and would like to read the amazing journey of another domestic adoption, check out Rebekah's site. It will touch your heart!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Thank you!
Lets be honest...not being a mom has been difficult for me these last few weeks...perhaps because we just had Mother's Day. I don't know. As Dan and I struggle to discern God's will, we want to thank those of you who have been so encouraging. Please know that your messages, emails, notes, and hugs have touched me so much. Thank you.
I especially want to thank one person in particular. This past week I was struggling with whether or not we were really supposed to go forward with adoption. Were Dan and I really called to adopt? I prayed Wednesday morning that God would give me a sign that we were on the right path, that we were supposed to adopt.
That afternoon I checked my mailbox. Inside was a note from a relative with a check enclosed for "Baby Van." I started balling before I even reached our front door (I'm sure my neighbors thought I was completely crazy). I cannot even begin to tell you how thankful I was for that sign...and for that couple who thought of us. Please know that God used you!
That night Dan and I had a long talk/cry about the adoption. Basically, we know we are called to adopt, there is no longer any doubt in our minds. However, we are no longer sure if we are going to do international or domestic. This is a huge decision and we want to make the right one. We talked with Bethany this week about how "open" open adoptions are and what they said really eased my fears. If that is the route we go with I will tell you more about it later.
So...as Dan and I look to discern God's will, please pray for us. It may seem like we are being 'flighty' by going back and forth with this...but we are just trying to work out what God's will is...not what we want. :)
On a lighter note, Dan's sister had her baby last week. I wished we lived closer so that we could see him. His name is Robert Charles Folkestad and he is beautiful.
Congratulations Amy and Andy! He is just too cute!!!
I especially want to thank one person in particular. This past week I was struggling with whether or not we were really supposed to go forward with adoption. Were Dan and I really called to adopt? I prayed Wednesday morning that God would give me a sign that we were on the right path, that we were supposed to adopt.
That afternoon I checked my mailbox. Inside was a note from a relative with a check enclosed for "Baby Van." I started balling before I even reached our front door (I'm sure my neighbors thought I was completely crazy). I cannot even begin to tell you how thankful I was for that sign...and for that couple who thought of us. Please know that God used you!
That night Dan and I had a long talk/cry about the adoption. Basically, we know we are called to adopt, there is no longer any doubt in our minds. However, we are no longer sure if we are going to do international or domestic. This is a huge decision and we want to make the right one. We talked with Bethany this week about how "open" open adoptions are and what they said really eased my fears. If that is the route we go with I will tell you more about it later.
So...as Dan and I look to discern God's will, please pray for us. It may seem like we are being 'flighty' by going back and forth with this...but we are just trying to work out what God's will is...not what we want. :)
On a lighter note, Dan's sister had her baby last week. I wished we lived closer so that we could see him. His name is Robert Charles Folkestad and he is beautiful.
Congratulations Amy and Andy! He is just too cute!!!
Friday, May 14, 2010
What if...
God has been working on my heart lately. Here is a poem I found on one adoption website (www.allgodschildren.org) that really spoke to me. I hope it speaks to you as well.
What if...
No one cared that you had been born?
No one saw your first smile or encouraged your first steps?
You never felt a mother's love or a father's embrace?
You longed for a family that never came and hoped for a home that lived only in your dreams?
Orphaned children are all over the world waiting...hoping...praying that they will become dear to someone.
That somewhere there will be one special family that finds joy and great delight in welcoming them into their home.
Each one waits expectantly, with a hopeful heart for a family to come, each tiny soul daring to rehearse secret dreams for the future...
Is there room in your heart for a child?
There isn't too much to report on where we are in the adoption process. We received our massive formal application packet in the mail this past week which will take a bit to fill out.
Keep praying for Mr. Spreadsheet Man... ;)
What if...
No one cared that you had been born?
No one saw your first smile or encouraged your first steps?
You never felt a mother's love or a father's embrace?
You longed for a family that never came and hoped for a home that lived only in your dreams?
Orphaned children are all over the world waiting...hoping...praying that they will become dear to someone.
That somewhere there will be one special family that finds joy and great delight in welcoming them into their home.
Each one waits expectantly, with a hopeful heart for a family to come, each tiny soul daring to rehearse secret dreams for the future...
Is there room in your heart for a child?
There isn't too much to report on where we are in the adoption process. We received our massive formal application packet in the mail this past week which will take a bit to fill out.
Keep praying for Mr. Spreadsheet Man... ;)
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Faith and Finances...
We are so happy that God has answered our prayer in showing us where to adopt. We figured we would share with ya'll what our next steps are:
The first step is a to fill out the formal application packet. I have heard that this is quite lengthy and could take awhile.
After that is processed we will be assigned a social worker who will work with us on our homestudy. I'm not sure how long this takes. I'm assuming quite a bit...I haven't talked to my "source" about this yet...she's busy the upcoming auction. :)
We have trusted God to show us where to adopt... now we just need to trust Him with the money. This step is more difficult for Dan than it is for me. Dan is Mr. Spreadsheet Man...
Because the fees happen so close together we need to try to raise the initial $8,500 as soon as possible (Dan wants to wait and raise the money first, where as I want to go, go, go). There are so many other additional costs that go along with this as well, totaling $28,000-$32,000!!!
So, right now we are asking for prayers from you, along with any fundraising ideas that you may have! You can leave a comment below if you have any ideas.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and for your prayers!
Monday, May 3, 2010
WE HAVE OUR ANSWER!!!!
Well, God gave us our answer by closing all the doors and leaving one wide open.
This morning we were told that Korea would only approve us for special needs children, which is something that we are not ready for.
Domestic adoption was another option. Dan 'happened' to call Jan today to figure out where we were in the approval process and there 'happened' to be a domestic infant adoption meeting tonight. During the meeting they stated that most birthparents chose open or semi-open adoption (that means that there is contact with the birthparents including monthly visits, phone calls, letter etc.). Bethany only had 3 closed adoptions last year and those were what they call "safe" babies which are babies that are taken away from the mother because the mother is unfit to raise the child due to drugs, alcohol or a mental condition.
So, Dan and I looked at each other during the meeting and said, "We have our answer."
ETHIOPIA!!!
We cannot tell you how excited we are to have a direction that God has pointed us to. Thank you everyone for your prayers!
Answers
Well, we have some more information from Bethany.
Ethiopia is saying we can move ahead with them. Colombia is still waiting to hear from the in-country staff. Korea says we are approved for children with special needs.
So it will either be Ethiopia or domestic adoption. Columbia is a 3-4 year wait, which is something we will keep in mind for the future.
We have a meeting at Bethany tonight regarding domestic adoption. Hopefully we will receive some answers and God will make His will apparent.
Please keep us in your prayers!
Ethiopia is saying we can move ahead with them. Colombia is still waiting to hear from the in-country staff. Korea says we are approved for children with special needs.
So it will either be Ethiopia or domestic adoption. Columbia is a 3-4 year wait, which is something we will keep in mind for the future.
We have a meeting at Bethany tonight regarding domestic adoption. Hopefully we will receive some answers and God will make His will apparent.
Please keep us in your prayers!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
The Reason Why
Many of my family members and co-workers have received this letter. However, for those who haven't and are curious as to why we are adopting read on.
"In 2009 Dan and I decided it was time to start a family. We both assumed it would be easy as most people in our family have gotten pregnant just by holding hands. However, after four months I was still not pregnant and the stress of it was making me unhappy with myself and bitter towards those who were getting pregnant. In effort to take pressure off, Dan told me not to worry and that four months was not a long time to still not be pregnant. Dan also stated (assuming it would never happen) that is we could not have kids we would just adopt. This took a lot of pressure off me and I was able to celebrate with those who were pregnant. I had always wanted to adopt someday and Dan was not against it, but we had never really given it too much thought.
We continued trying to have a child and as the months continued to go by we still did not get pregnant. Through prayer and thoughtful consideration we decided to set a time-frame for when we would adopt. We figured if we were not pregnant in April of 2010 that God was telling us He wanted us to adopt. Again, we assumed that we would be pregnant long before that time. However, as the months ticked by and we got closer and closer to the deadline, we both started to doubt that we would get pregnant. We prayed more and more about it in an effort to seek His will. The closer we got to the date, the more we felt adoption was what God wanted us to pursue. By the last two months, even though we were still trying to have a child, we both had the feeling that it was not going to happen because God wanted something else for us.
So with great excitement and anticipation we would like to tell you that we have begun the process of adopting a child. We are working with Bethany Christian Services as we have had many peope use and recommend them. Depending on the country we adopt from, this process could be as short as one year or as long as two and a half years. So your prayers are welcomed during this waiting period.
We are excited to share this news with you and look forward to the months ahead and the eventual arrival of baby Van."
"In 2009 Dan and I decided it was time to start a family. We both assumed it would be easy as most people in our family have gotten pregnant just by holding hands. However, after four months I was still not pregnant and the stress of it was making me unhappy with myself and bitter towards those who were getting pregnant. In effort to take pressure off, Dan told me not to worry and that four months was not a long time to still not be pregnant. Dan also stated (assuming it would never happen) that is we could not have kids we would just adopt. This took a lot of pressure off me and I was able to celebrate with those who were pregnant. I had always wanted to adopt someday and Dan was not against it, but we had never really given it too much thought.
We continued trying to have a child and as the months continued to go by we still did not get pregnant. Through prayer and thoughtful consideration we decided to set a time-frame for when we would adopt. We figured if we were not pregnant in April of 2010 that God was telling us He wanted us to adopt. Again, we assumed that we would be pregnant long before that time. However, as the months ticked by and we got closer and closer to the deadline, we both started to doubt that we would get pregnant. We prayed more and more about it in an effort to seek His will. The closer we got to the date, the more we felt adoption was what God wanted us to pursue. By the last two months, even though we were still trying to have a child, we both had the feeling that it was not going to happen because God wanted something else for us.
So with great excitement and anticipation we would like to tell you that we have begun the process of adopting a child. We are working with Bethany Christian Services as we have had many peope use and recommend them. Depending on the country we adopt from, this process could be as short as one year or as long as two and a half years. So your prayers are welcomed during this waiting period.
We are excited to share this news with you and look forward to the months ahead and the eventual arrival of baby Van."
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